wrigley field is MILF paradise
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
