You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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