what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
