just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
