Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
