Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
