Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize