dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
