I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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