Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
