Your mouth is God's brothel.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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