she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
