I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
