FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm really busy with my period
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