After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
