Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
