You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
