another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize