The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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