i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i have two assholes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
