I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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