who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
