I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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