I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
