We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i think my cat just said my name.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
