piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
