what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
