his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
