Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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