I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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