Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
