And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
