I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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