Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
