were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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