Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
