She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
