That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
