Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
