I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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