you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
