Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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