I think my vagina is haunted
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
