can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
