where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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