I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
