Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
