Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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