my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
