Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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