Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
