I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize