U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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