I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
