He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
