Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
