dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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