take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
