your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a search helicopter?!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize