I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
