i'm signing you up for texting rehab
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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